Hey I am numb. o_O can u help me understand?

Firstly... People confuse me and I know I should listen to myself not others. I have never show my emotions and now I have been completely overwhelming because as I see other people sad, I keep wondering why can't they be like me? I am seriously 100% positive person even if I go through lots of tragedies! I get sick every time I'm near emotional people that just wants attention. I never get any respect whatever big deal am dealing with right now because I AM JEALOUS. I am so numb, I did stupid things, I started cutting and I just can't stop. It's the only way to clear of the pain at night. I also think am lonely cuz I don't have friends same age as me but I do appreciate them. I feel lonely because kids don't talk like me if you know what I mean? People have no idea what am going through. all I get is being stereotype if I'm being open. So I was like ughh...